so much to say

wow, a lot has happened since i posted last in May. The job i thought i was going to get, i didn't, and ended up with a job at the college i will attend in the fall. because of all that, i decided to move in early, which has been the best decision ever! i've found that living away from home has it's own sets of challenges, and responsibilities, but i like it all. i've made a few new friends, and i get along with my co-workers pretty well. and now summer is almost over.

oh, and failed to mention the most important thing that has happened to me over the past few months. i graduated from high school!!!! the graduation ceremony went so well, and i had so much fun. yes, it was a bit stuffy and hot in the arena where the ceremony was held, but it was so worth it. Graduation was held at Messiah College, which is a nice transition for me. since my dad works there, he was able to come to the rehearsal earlier that day to find out where i would be sitting, so he would know where to save seats. he also was able to get in before they opened the door to the public so that he could get the best seats possible. i really liked that advantage, even though i'm not the one who benefited from it.

along with my transition of living arrangements came a change of church. I knew this day was coming, and i might as well of been counting down the days. It actually took a few sundays before i could because of other obligations, plus i had to work two sundays in a row. but i finally did make it to Grantham BIC, and i really like it there. i feel so at home, and it's been really awesome for my spiritual growth. unfortunately, i have to go back to my home church for two weeks towards the end of August, but thankfully i'll be able to listen to the sermons from Grantham online for the weeks i missed.

i've written another song, and have been practicing the others. i'm not exactly sure what i'm practicing them for, but i know God will let me know when the time is right.

so next week i'll move into my fall housing, and continue to prepare for the start of college. i'm excited and nervous all at the same time. but i know it's going to be good. not always easy or fun, but all around good.

Say Goodbye

This is the last Monday of my high school career. Well, other than graduation Monday that is. In exactly 21 days, I will be walking across a stage and departing on the rest of my life. Pretty scary, right? Actually, in a way I am scared. Not scared that I don't know what I'm doing in the long run, because I know. It's just getting to that point that seems scary. All this, by the way, leads to a very exciting announcement.

A week after I graduate, I will be starting a full time job with the state. I'll be riding the bus every day (hopefully...I'm still working out those details). Not sure what exactly I'll be doing but I know it involves office stuff. Either way, I'm very excited to be embarking on this adventure for the summer. I know that it'll take up a lot of my time, and I will only have saturdays to sleep in, but that's okay with me. It's a little different when you're earning money and getting up early everyday than when you're not. I just hope that I'll have enough self-discipline to go to bed earlier each night.

I hope to meet many new people with this new job, and maybe even network a bit. I figure it can't hurt just in case I'll need a job after college. One major thing on my "to-do" list this week is to hand in my two week notice for my current job. I work at a Pizza Buffet right now. We don't have many part time workers, so I'm interested to see the reaction of the managers when I hand over that letter telling them my plans. I already have a first draft written, and intend to put it into a Word document so I can print and sign it and all that official stuff.

So, back to this last week of school. It's actually just our last full week with classes, because next week Seniors have review days and finals. I achieved exemption for most of my classes. Survey of British Literature became my enemy, therefore I will be taking that final. Elementary Concepts of Calc suddenly made sense somewhere along the way, and so I am on the boarder line of being exempt for that. If I preform extremely well on the next test, which is very attainable, I will be exempt. I need to turn in the form by Thursday, so it'll be really dramatic until then to see if I'm exempt from math.

Getting back on track, next week I will only have to come into school for Survey of Brit Lit and gym class (and math if I have to take the final). This means I come in for period two and three on the first review day.(and maybe period seven) and then on the second day just period 2. Thursday of that we I have off, because I don't take Social Studies or World Language, and those finals are on Thursday. Friday of next week I have Survey of Brit Lit. If I'm taking the math final that will be before Survey of Brit Lit. I like this because then I can spend all my energy on math, and then not try at all of Brit Lit.

Maybe I just need to focus on this week. Or maybe just today. The idea of graduating has been very exciting so far. I will feel sadness saying to goodbye to all my friends. Thankfully, someone came up with the bright idea to invent email and facebook, so we will all be able to keep in touch! It just won't be the same...

Grantham

I don't how it works for the rest of you, but I found out last night that if I need to pray about something, it really helps of I'm in the place I'm praying about. That may seem complicated and unreasonable, but last night the place I needed to pray about was only a ten minute drive from my house. Joel needed to go in that direction anyways.

See, for whatever reason I have been extremely worried and stressed about paying for college. Well, I was upset and worried about more than that, but it's taking a lot for me to work through everything that's bugging me. I have troubles voicing my "deep down opinions" for fear that my parents won't honestly listen, therefore leaving me worse off. Except for the fact that I'll be worse off either way because everything just keeps eating away at me, which is probably one reason why I'm really looking forward to moving out. Even so, I have a feeling that these problems will follow me to whatever residence I end up living in.

Anyways, sorry to digress. As I mentioned, paying for college probably stresses me out more than the work load itself. Even though I have tuition remission, the bill for living (and breathing) at college is a lot for an 18 year old to pay with no help what so ever. Well, I haven't had any help yet. No scholarships (yet) or secret benefactors. I don't even know of anyone who could be a secret benefactor. All I have is my stupid stupid self who just works maybe 7 hours a week if I'm blessed enough, and has been making minimum wage for the past two years! Why did I ever take this in the first place?

So anyways, I'm looking for a new job, and hopefully a full time job for the summer. It's kinda hard to come to this realization before a holiday, because I can't just go out and ask for applications on Good Friday. Well, I could, but I really want to focus on Jesus, not money. I may have to let go of my not working on sundays thing, which bothers me. Seriously, I will die if I don't go to church.

I digressed again! My point is, since I didn't know what to do, and I didn't really feel like being around other people, I took Joel to Chill Time at Grantham, and went to the college library, to work on a scholarship essay. I needed to get online for something, probably just to check my email, but I couldn't access the college's internet on the laptop. I typed in my user name and password, but over and over again it wouldn't work. Even when I came home and tried to log onto my college email, that didn't work either. I don't know what's going on with that, so I hope no one important emails me on my college email. Anyways, I wrote down some ideas for the essay, and then headed down to the creek. I walked around and prayed. And I felt like praying that the place of my future schooling/residence really helped give focus. I know that God would've still been listening if i would've stayed home and prayed, but I would've been distracted. I'm always distracted while I'm trying to something important. Some family member is always either asking/telling me to do something, or wants to show me something, but I'm not getting graded on housework/chores/viewing random youtube videos, I'm getting graded on understanding Shakespeare, and doing calculus problems.(by the way, I'm starting to question why Shakespeare had to be so great. why couldn't he have been a fad that went out with the 16th century?) These distractions are part of the reason I refuse to live at home and go to college.

I really felt at peace while I walked back to Lady Blue.(um..that's our mini van. i have a bit of an emotional attachment to that thing) I'm not exactly sure where to go from here.(insert Pillar song) I guess I need to continue with my job search. I did come to the conclusion that if Jesus can sacrifice His life, maybe I can sacrifice sleep, school work, and sundays(afternoons and evenings). I'm working on being open to pretty much anything, as long as it pays, and can give me lots of hours over the summer. I'll be sad to leave the pizza buffet, seeing how it's been apart of my life for the past two years. They can't give me the hour i need/have been looking for.

I also found last night that walking helps my anger. I've always had problems with anger, but no one bothered to show me practical ways to get rid of it. The only problem with my solution is that I'm not allowed to walk in town after dark, because I'm a vulnerable adult who could get mugged or something. So that leaves me with one other option: writing. How is it that I can never meet word requirements on essays about natural disasters, and yet I have gone on and on and on just now? I have no problem writing. My grammer and style, and comma uses suck, but I like writing.

Speaking of which, I need to switch laundry and then write more for my essay. Maybe later today I can post about planning our lives around TV, and how it's starting to really disgust me, and how I fear it can tear a family a part.

Craziness

I've just started to realize how crazy life is for me right now. I mean, I'm graduating in two months and five days, and officially moving to Grantham in...I don't know how many days. But I've heard that the count is down to less than 150 days. I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to resist senioritis, but alas, my efforts are slowly stopping. I'm still trying in my classes, but I just seem to get more frustrated with the hard stuff, and the long stuff, and confusing stuff. How is it that we get to a point where we don't care? How do we get out of it?

All I know is that the time is flying by. In some ways I feel sad, because sometimes I can feel this school year slipping away from my grasp. At the leadership meeting the other day, we realized that we don't have that many Christian Clubs left. Just one more for April, and then we'll be in may, which only has three or four! Christian Club has been one of the soul factors of helping my attitude about high school. In fact, I still come in early for Christian Club even though I could sleep in, and don't have to be at school until 8:55.(first period study hall) It's been a distinct love of mine, and something from which I will carry memories. I feel so sad knowing that it's all going to go away. Or maybe it's just me who's going away. Either case, I'm feeling bittersweet. Some other days I'm just ready to be done, and be Grantham-bound. but I know I have work to finish here at school before I go on to the next school.

Moving on...I finished Deuteronomy today! I just need to ready Psalm 91 (or is it 19...) and then it's onto Joshua and Judges. After that I should be back on schedule. With that said, I think it's time to wrap up this post.

Lost, the 90s, and more!

So...admit it...who watched Lost last night? I won't give away too much, because I understand some people are way too busy, and need to catch up. I will, however, say this: I think there's a running theme of sandwiches, and people bring other locked up people sandwiches.

Before Joel and I sat down to watch Lost, we watched some old music videos. I got this DVD several years ago called "The Vault." Well, I think that's what it's called. It's basically every single music video from Gotee Records up until 2004. See, during supper we talked about this one music video from John Reuben called "Dippity Doin'" and we felt that we needed to show Aunt Tracey this music video. So after that music video, we just kept watching. These videos go from the most recent to the oldest. It was interesting scanning all the ones from the 90s, and even the earlier 2000s. I absolutely LOVE 90s music! While some of the music videos are cheesy, it's still fun to watch. The music video for "Two Sets of Jones" is very well done in my opinion.

It's musical season again! Our musical opens tonight. But I'm not going until Sunday. I volunteered to usher so I can get in for free! This will be my third year in a row ushering, so hopefully I'll be pretty good at it.

On another note, I found that I'm really sick and tired of driving every single day in a row! I think I've driven every day since........March 24th? See, I can't even remember! How do people do this every day? I'm used to driving for not long maybe 6 out of 7 days a week. I normally like driving, but I'm ready for a break. I did, however, enjoy the opportunity to sit in student parking lot traffic after school yesterday. That was the first and only time I have done that while being in the driver's seat. Mr. Robinson was still out there in the rain with his umbrella making sure no collisions occurred. It took me longer to get home than if I would've walked.

Well, we're nearing the end of another study hall. Aunt Tracey called Juno, and they're sending us a new modem within three to five business days. So that means between monday and wednesday. I'm not complaining, because I lived without it for three days now, so I can do without it for a while more. Plus, if I really need it, I can go to Messiah College on Sunday afternoon.

Now for some Actual News...

My first intended purpose was to update you on how the home life is going. Well, it's quite swell I suppose. The DSL still isn't working, but I'm getting used to it. I think we came to the conclusion that our modem is dying? Since Mom and Dad are away, we can't really do anything about it other than deal with dial up. Since we have access to the church's laptop, we can take that to the Library or the church if needed. Plus, I can always check my email here at school, which is what I'm doing now. I guess it proves we don't really need the internet. I mean, obviously it has become necessary in the past ten years, but just because it's necessary doesn't mean we should be on it every second of our lives. What if we only checked our email once or twice a day? What if we only checked every other day?

I hear your complaints. You're saying, "But my friends need be to be online so I can talk to them! I need to do school work! I have to do research!"

Okay, so maybe you do have research waiting. But how many times do you "research" and have facebook up in another window to check on it? I do it too, but that doesn't make it right. Sometimes I amaze myself with how fast I can get something done if I really put my mind to it. Sometimes while I'm working on an essay, and have a window up with my email or facebook, I also bring up a tab with the website www.something.com. try going there sometime, and tell me what you see. It's nice because then I don't see the words "Facebook," or "Gmail," staring at me from the task bar, so I don't click it as much.

And tell me, what would happen if we decided that with the time we won't spend on the internet, we did something else productive. We could read our Bible more (I am two books behind in my Bible in a Year goal), or clean our room! Better yet, we could actually put some effort into our homework. In some ways it's good thing to not be concerned with getting online. In fact, I'm very glad that I won't have to pay for internet for a long time. That means no worrying when something goes wrong!

Well, we have come to the end of another study hall. I hope you enjoyed my commentary.

Center of the Week

Happy April Fools Day! I've heard some crazy things today, and thankfully I have discernment as to what I can and cannot believe. While I was driving to a meeting at 7am, I heard something on the news having to do with someone important in our state resigning or something. I have to admit I was only half listening. By the time I was truly listening they were saying stuff about two newspapers that are merging, and it sounded kinda sketchy.

It makes me remember last April Fools day, with the media just dumping all their April Fools jokes on their audience. On the Word FM, at the beginning of the morning show(I just happened to wake up for the start of it.), they said that they had a special announcement. They claimed the from surveys that they took, changes were needed. So the host of their Sunday Evening Bluegrass show came on and made some sort of announcement that the Word FM was going to a bluegrass only format. The crazy thing is, people actually believed it! Now, even though I was half awake, I realized that it was April Fools Day, therefore this obviously was a joke. But I guess some people are wrapped up so much in their own lives that they don't remember what day it is.

This morning on the announcements they made all sorts of claims. If they really want to get us, and get all of us, they need to come up with something that would affect the seniors too. Everything they said, if true, would affect everyone except the seniors. It was a nice thought however.

Well, I really don't want to find a fish on my back, and I hope no one sticks a fish on your back either.

A Week Without Parents

So, this week my parents, and my grandparents are in Oklahoma. My dad is attending a conference there, and my mom and grandparents are along for the ride. They traveled there yesterday, and I’m guessing it went well. It’s very exciting because my family never flies. I mean, all of you know that I flew last summer, but that was my first time. Part of the reason why it was my first time is because my family can’t exactly afford to pay for five plane tickets every summer. My mom has flown before, when she was a kid, but obviously, there has been a few changes to the system since then. Yesterday was the very first time my dad flew on an airplane. I thought seventeen in a half years was long enough, but add a couple more decades onto that? Anyways, I’m not sure whether he was nervous, because my dad doesn’t exactly show nervousness much. But I’m sure they all did fine.

Here at home things have been okay too. Sure, the DSL isn’t working, so we’re stuck with dial up, unless someone wants to spot me a few dollars to go to Panera Bread. Actually, I don’t really have time to get everything together and go somewhere that has WiFi. I’m not sure what Joel will contribute commentary to this dilemma when he gets home, but Aunt Tracey and I continue to ask ourselves, “How did we deal with dial-up just a couple years ago?” And then I get to the question of, “What did I do with my time before internet and Facebook?” I know one thing we used to do….cook dinner! That’s what I need to do now! By the time I post this, dinner will be long gone. I’m typing on a Word document that I will cut and paste later. Here’s to a clean house and a broken computer…I mean, slow internet!

Later:

Ha! I'm here at the library, got fed up with what all I had to do! Plus, it's a homework free night, so that helps. Maybe if I get bored during study hall I can blog some more!

A Message for StorySideB

When I woke up this morning, I caught the tale end of the news on WJTL, and they sounded sad about something, as if there was a sudden piece of news that hit home. I never got a chance to figure out what it was, because all the local news stations were talking about the inauguration and not worried about what the people on WJTL was worried about. Since they were also dealing with some closings and delays, I didn't happen to hear the news again. Then I checked one of my favorite website, Jesus Freak Hideout. I found out what Lisa Landis and Fred McNaughton were talking about early this morning.

It seems that the bassist for the band Story Side B suddenly past away on January 18th. I can't imagine what pain the band and family are experiencing right now. Even from loosing a cousin four years ago, I know that there are unknown feelings to feel. I would like to share my sympathies with Story Side B, and let them know that I am so sorry for their loss. I'm praying that God will reveal His presence and love to you, even during this horrible time. The Christian music industry shares your burden and pain, I'm sure.

year in review in my eyes

Doing a year in review seems to be increasingly popular this week. so i'm going to do my own little year in review, which i'll try to keep as brief as possible. It might not go in chronological order, but hopefully there will be some kind of flow. Here we go!

During the first half of 2008, i finished up my Junior year of High School. With that, i took the SATs, ACTs, and finished the Senior High Project required by the school. i also found out that i passed my Senior High Project the first time, which lifted a huge burden. By June i was all ready to leave Junior year in the dust and embark on Senior year. Also, in the realm of school, i got to watch many of my friends graduate from high school. It was my first high school graduation that i attended, and i'm so glad i attended the 2008 graduation before attending my own this coming year.

In May, i got to kiss my braces good-bye! of course this meant that during the summer i had to wear a retainer, but at least i could take that out. the braces came out about a month before i got my senior pictures taken, which was my ultimate goal.

In mid July, i tried a lot of new things all in one day. See List of Firsts for the inside scoop. the main attraction of that very hot July 17th was that i got to fly in an airplane for the very first time. i had been saving my money for a good year or two in order to go on this trip with my friend Noelle. We went to Colorado Springs for five days, and had a wonderful time! I'm hoping that some day soon i can take another trip on an airplane. even though traveling can be tiring, it's so much fun!

In August i went to a family reunion in Baltimore. It was my first time going into the city of Baltimore, and using a LightRail system. I also had the chance to see a distant cousin of mine play a piano concert.

Along with all that, i had the opportunity to see many events of the Olympics. I admit i was one of those who stayed up practically until midnight to watch Micheal Phelps swim. Unfortunately it was at the time of year when i should've been conditioning myself to go to bed earlier because of school starting a few weeks from that time. oh well...

In late August i started senior year. for the first few weeks it felt surreal. it helped going through the "Senior Routine." Things like taking the '09 picture, making sure to raise my hand in mixed classes when the teacher asked, "how many seniors do we have in here?" and stuff like that. Oh, i guess the part where i applied for college was another way to remind myself, "yeah, i'm a senior."

Speaking of college, i was accepted to Messiah College in November! This officially meant i can start focusing on school more, and not be distracted by applying to college. it also meant that i could focus on applying for scholarships.

I think that's about it. there are a few more things i'm sure i could add, such as seeing Fireproof (if you haven't seen it, mark your calendars for January 27th, that's when it comes out on DVD), and turning 18, which meant voting for the first time. it sure had been an active 366 days. Then again, leap years are always full of action.

In this coming year, i'm looking forward to graduating from high school, and starting college in the fall. I'm also currently looking for a job for the spring and summer, and thankfully i may have some options. All in all, i hope i'll be "feeling fine in 09!"