Over the past month or so I've been thinking about 2009, and what happened during that year. As I kept thinking, I realized that God did so much in my life! I feel like I could write a book about 2009 if I tried, because that's how eventful it was. I'll start at the very beginning, since Julie Andrews says that's the best place to start. The first few months of 2009 were not that eventful. I just went through my last semester of high school. In that process, I worked at letting go of a friendship that I thought God had finished in my life. This friendship never really ended on sour terms, but rather simply phased out. Eventually graduation came around, providing me with one of the sweetest nights of my life.
A week after graduation I moved out of my parent's house and started working full time. God gave me this awesome opportunity to work at Messiah College for a few months before I started school. It was the best decision of my life to get a taste of campus life before classes started in September. Even though sometimes I mourn the fact that all I did during the summer was work, it doesn't change the fact that I will never regret summer work.
In addition to working during the summer, I also found myself pulling out of a "spiritual crisis" that I happened to be in for the past two years. As I finished high school, and moved into this community of believers, I noticed changes in my spiritual life, but still struggled with rebuilding that connection and relationship with God. In late July, however, I received an email from that friend that I let go of earlier in the year. Basically, in our conversation he said something about God putting my name on his heart for someone to contact. Just knowing that God was still using me in the lives of others was enough to fully pull me out of that spiritual crisis. I wrote a song about it, and you may contact me if you would like to see the lyrics to that song.
After a long summer of work, I officially started college! This past semester was definitely an eye opening experience. I also started doing a radio show again! It reminded me of how much I love radio, and it's definitely what God called me to do with my life. I can't wait to continue my radio show next semester!
Along with this whole theme of change, in case you didn't pick that up for this year's events, I changed churches twice this year. During the summer I attended the church just outside of campus. I can walk to it from my dorm, which helped since I do not own a car. Then I helped the friend that contacted me during the summer with finding his new church home. Once he found his new church, I felt God calling me to continue to go with him. And even though at times through September and October I felt like I should bail out of this whole thing, God kept nudging me to go.
The previous two months could probably have a blog post of their own. But I'll try to summarize the best I can. Basically, I conducted my first DTR (or Pulling a Ruth, if you want to call it that) ever with this guy who had been taking me to church. It was seriously the hardest thing I ever did in my life. Needless to say at first I did not receive the response I desired. From this first response, I spent the next week figuring out what to do with myself now. I knew that first and foremost I needed to switch churches yet again. That was a rough week, but I got through it with God's help. I learned a lot about leaning on God, and relying on His strength. With the twists and turns of life came a change of heart from David. Thankfully this change was for the better.
So from this experience, I went from being single to starting a relationship. We waited until I finished the semester so that I wasn't juggling too many things at once. This explains why I mentioned the countdown twice in my previous post, and why I didn't blog much in trying to keep this a semi-secret. After going back and reading the blog post from my birthday, it's funny to see how God works everything out. I had talked about not going on date yet in my life, but two and a half months after that it actually happened. In this I also realized that I had been waiting for roughly seven years for David to ask me out. That's pretty crazy.
Overall, 2009 was a great year. So many cool things happened, and I learned a lot, and changed a lot. Even though having these constant changes took their toll on my emotions, I'm thankful for the continuous opportunity to learn to cope with change. Just because 2009 is coming to a close does not mean the changes will stop, and I'm okay with that. While I have an idea of what 2010 will bring, I'm okay with not knowing the full picture. It gives me more chances to trust the one who leads me through life.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I should be working on homework...
I couldn't complete today without posting my thoughts from one of my classes today. I'm 28 days from completing my first semester in college (not that I'm counting or anything) and the work load is starting to multiply. Thankfully, I feel okay about it, and know that if I keep trusting God, and reorganizing my priorities, eventually everything will be completed. Each one of these 28 days will bring its own struggles and challenges, but I will push on towards the goal.
Anyways, onto my main point of this post. Today in my Foundations of Marriage and Family class, we talked about people as the reach the middle age and elderly years. My professor ended with showing us a clip from Good Morning America that featured Robin Roberts being transformed from her 45-year-old self into an 85 year-old-woman. The whole concept puts everything in a new perspective, but there was one part that stuck out the most to me. When Robin goes to the grocery store as her 85-year-old self, there's a hidden camera that goes along for the ride. As she narrates her journey, she points out that some people laugh at her, while some others tried to help her if she had problems reaching an item on the shelf.
As I watched this, the following thought hit me, "What happened to those people who helped Robin once they found out it was Robin Roberts (if they watched the end result)?" Also, I wonder how many people would have helped her if they would have known? God decided to run with those thoughts and bring me to another conclusion. We do that to Jesus. What if Jesus wants us to reach out and help someone in need? How many times to we brush these off notions because we think it won't matter? Personally, I don't even want to know, because I'm sure many times I haven't even thought about opportunities to help staring me in the face.
So there it is, what I wanted to share with the world. I hope you appreciated me coming up to breathe in the form of posting this on my blog. Realistically, you probably won't hear from me again until December 17th. But, that's only 28 days away!
Anyways, onto my main point of this post. Today in my Foundations of Marriage and Family class, we talked about people as the reach the middle age and elderly years. My professor ended with showing us a clip from Good Morning America that featured Robin Roberts being transformed from her 45-year-old self into an 85 year-old-woman. The whole concept puts everything in a new perspective, but there was one part that stuck out the most to me. When Robin goes to the grocery store as her 85-year-old self, there's a hidden camera that goes along for the ride. As she narrates her journey, she points out that some people laugh at her, while some others tried to help her if she had problems reaching an item on the shelf.
As I watched this, the following thought hit me, "What happened to those people who helped Robin once they found out it was Robin Roberts (if they watched the end result)?" Also, I wonder how many people would have helped her if they would have known? God decided to run with those thoughts and bring me to another conclusion. We do that to Jesus. What if Jesus wants us to reach out and help someone in need? How many times to we brush these off notions because we think it won't matter? Personally, I don't even want to know, because I'm sure many times I haven't even thought about opportunities to help staring me in the face.
So there it is, what I wanted to share with the world. I hope you appreciated me coming up to breathe in the form of posting this on my blog. Realistically, you probably won't hear from me again until December 17th. But, that's only 28 days away!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Just when I thought I was done...
How is it that during the low stress times of my life I have no relationship problems to speak of, and then when all this stress piles up, it walks in and says "Hey! Remember me? We haven't debated in forever!" Obviously God knows what's going on, so I'll keep following Him. Maybe I end up creating the issue, making it larger than life. I just know that I need to keep waiting, and praying for my future husband. Sure, it gets monotonous after awhile, but I have faith that my persistence will pay off someday...hopefully someday soon.
Thankfully, I have a wealth of resources to help me in my journey. Every Sunday morning I eat breakfast in the floor lounge and listen to The Boundless Show. They always have sound advice on all aspects of being a young adult. They usually provide a good dose of humor as well, which puts me in a great mood before I head off to church. I really wish another one of my friends listened to Boundless, because there's so much I want to discuss with someone, but can't. For now I'll keep listening, reading, and thinking.
Well, I need to get back to the normal College life stuff. Maybe I'll find more time to blog over fall break?
Thankfully, I have a wealth of resources to help me in my journey. Every Sunday morning I eat breakfast in the floor lounge and listen to The Boundless Show. They always have sound advice on all aspects of being a young adult. They usually provide a good dose of humor as well, which puts me in a great mood before I head off to church. I really wish another one of my friends listened to Boundless, because there's so much I want to discuss with someone, but can't. For now I'll keep listening, reading, and thinking.
Well, I need to get back to the normal College life stuff. Maybe I'll find more time to blog over fall break?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
A morning like this can't go without a blog post...
So, it's kinda early for a Saturday, and I've already been up for what seems like forever. Let me explain: My mom is going to Ohio because he uncle is getting remarried out there. Actually, it seems like a lot of people I know are either out in Ohio or Indiana. I really don't understand, what's so great about those states? Just kidding, I know people who love it out there, just like I love it here in PA. Anywho, Mom's plane left at 6:15am, which meant she needed to be at the airport at 5am or so. Now, Mom considered just paying to leave the car at HIA, but I jumped in and volunteered to drive her to the Airport so that I could have a vehicle, but that's another story for another day. Anyways, I slept on the lounge chair in the living room last night, and woke up to my parent's alarm clock going off at 3:30am. I figured while I was awake, I might as well get ready for the day, since I knew we'd be leaving during the 4 o'clock hour. We didn't leave until 4:45am, but that's okay because there was no traffic what so ever until we got closer to Harrisburg.
After Mom check her luggage, and started going through security, I decided to follow the signs for the observation deck, because that just sounded like fun, and what else is a girl to do at 5:30 in the morning? Well, HIA's observation deck isn't exactly much to write home about. Plus, I knew that I'd have to wait at least a half an hour before any planes took off (it's a small airport), and didn't want to wait that long. So I made my way back to the parking garage, only to find that I couldn't remember where I parked the van. I don't usually find myself in this predicament, and thankfully I realized that I came back to the parking garage a different way than when Mom and I left it. I was able to remember some of the surroundings of where we parked, and eventually found it! Mind you, this was my very first parking garage experience, and I think I did pretty well.
I drove out of the parking garage, paid for parking, and made my way towards the highways. I was doing okay until I had to chose whether I needed to take 83 north or south. Somehow I ended up in the lane for 83 north before I could change my mind. So I went with it, and knew that I saw signs saying it would lead to I-81, and I knew that once I got to I-81 I'd regain my sense of direction. Somewhere around there is started to rain. No biggie, it's been raining a bit lately, and I can handle it. Then it started raining harder and harder, until I needed to put the wipers on high in order to see! I checked the clock, which told me it was 6:00am. Good, Mom's plane hadn't left yet. I turned this time into my morning devotion, praying fervently that I wouldn't die right there on whatever highway the van was on. The drivers around me didn't seem to understand my precautions of going slow in dark while pouring down rain, but they just passed me and it was okay. (because what's the use of driving fast when you can't see?)
It was scary, and reminded me of whenever I helped with the driving out to Ohio and went through two major thunderstorms head on while driving on the turnpike. This had the added element of experiencing it in the dark. I made it to the Carlisle Pike, where I walked around a little bit at Wegman's and WalMart. I was going to go to Panera Bread, but they didn't open until 7, and I figured I might as well go back to the college to get a meal included in my meal plan, so I wouldn't have to pay anything.
No, I haven't slept since I got back, and yes, I'm tired. I still need to work at some point today, and should probably do some homework. I'll sleep at some point, I'm just not sure when. I'll figure it out though, no worries.
After Mom check her luggage, and started going through security, I decided to follow the signs for the observation deck, because that just sounded like fun, and what else is a girl to do at 5:30 in the morning? Well, HIA's observation deck isn't exactly much to write home about. Plus, I knew that I'd have to wait at least a half an hour before any planes took off (it's a small airport), and didn't want to wait that long. So I made my way back to the parking garage, only to find that I couldn't remember where I parked the van. I don't usually find myself in this predicament, and thankfully I realized that I came back to the parking garage a different way than when Mom and I left it. I was able to remember some of the surroundings of where we parked, and eventually found it! Mind you, this was my very first parking garage experience, and I think I did pretty well.
I drove out of the parking garage, paid for parking, and made my way towards the highways. I was doing okay until I had to chose whether I needed to take 83 north or south. Somehow I ended up in the lane for 83 north before I could change my mind. So I went with it, and knew that I saw signs saying it would lead to I-81, and I knew that once I got to I-81 I'd regain my sense of direction. Somewhere around there is started to rain. No biggie, it's been raining a bit lately, and I can handle it. Then it started raining harder and harder, until I needed to put the wipers on high in order to see! I checked the clock, which told me it was 6:00am. Good, Mom's plane hadn't left yet. I turned this time into my morning devotion, praying fervently that I wouldn't die right there on whatever highway the van was on. The drivers around me didn't seem to understand my precautions of going slow in dark while pouring down rain, but they just passed me and it was okay. (because what's the use of driving fast when you can't see?)
It was scary, and reminded me of whenever I helped with the driving out to Ohio and went through two major thunderstorms head on while driving on the turnpike. This had the added element of experiencing it in the dark. I made it to the Carlisle Pike, where I walked around a little bit at Wegman's and WalMart. I was going to go to Panera Bread, but they didn't open until 7, and I figured I might as well go back to the college to get a meal included in my meal plan, so I wouldn't have to pay anything.
No, I haven't slept since I got back, and yes, I'm tired. I still need to work at some point today, and should probably do some homework. I'll sleep at some point, I'm just not sure when. I'll figure it out though, no worries.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Another new song!
so for the past two days a new song has been forming in my head! I'm really excited to see the creative process go to work like this! I don't have a title for it yet, and probably won't until I absolutely need it. I already have some of the chords on guitar, but am waiting until I can get to a piano to try to figure that out, because I'm hearing piano in my head. It's harder for me to write music on piano, so it's something I don't usually do, but definitely feel like in order for me to put my best into this song, I need to at least attempt to pick out the music on piano.
I'm not ready to share the lyrics with the world yet, however. This song is extremely personal to me at the moment, making it very difficult to share.
Well, this week so far has been good. There's still much to do before the week ends, but I know that with God's help I can accomplish much!
I'm not ready to share the lyrics with the world yet, however. This song is extremely personal to me at the moment, making it very difficult to share.
Well, this week so far has been good. There's still much to do before the week ends, but I know that with God's help I can accomplish much!
Friday, October 02, 2009
so here I am
It's here, I'm 19. If you want to be technical about it I won't be 19 until 11:54am. The story goes that on the day when I was born, the doctor told my mom that I would be here before the end of the Price is Right show. and that's what happened! I was born exactly 40 years after the Peanuts comic debut.
So, how do I feel about being 19? Well, like I said yesterday, I didn't think it was a big deal up until last week. Then I started thinking about my grandma, my mom, and even my aunts, and what they were doing on their 19th birthday's, or what they had accomplished thus far. We'll start with Grandma.
When my Grandma turned 19, she had already married and given birth to my mom's old sister. I know that this was probably quite normal among most 19-year-old young women. That still doesn't change the fact that it's weird to think about. I mean, I haven't so much as gone on my first date (or courtship outing if you want to call it that). I know that this fact doesn't make me any less of a person, but it's still something to ponder.
Okay, by the time my mom and her sisters had turned 19, they had each completed a year of college.(they're birthdays are all in the summer) At this point in time I have only completed a month of college. so that's not really helping my self esteem at all. In addition, my aunt Tracey already had two nieces and one nephew by the time she turned 19. But I attribute that to the fact that she's the youngest, and 8 and 9 years younger than her older sisters. I've already come to the conclusion that I will not have the privilege of being an aunt for a very long time, unless I end up marrying someone who's already an uncle.(don't worry, that won't be the basis of looking for a future husband. it would just be an added bonus just like it would be if the guy I marry already has an uncle Bob so I can have one too!)
I'm so sorry if this post sounds depressing, but I'm only sharing what my thoughts contained over the past couple weeks. It's not always easy being the oldest in my immediate family. Some days I feel the trail-blazer inside of me, and other days I want to hide from my trail-blazer responsibilities. It's okay though, I know that God is there for me as a leaning post.
I would like to close this post with a chorus to a song of mine. I may have posted this chorus before, but it's good enough to post again.
Blink your eyes
Time goes by
Here we are on the side
Figuring out what we want to
Do with our lives
Where do we go from here
Where will we be
In another ten years
Oh where will we be
Ten years from now?
I'm excited about my birthday, I really am. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year!
So, how do I feel about being 19? Well, like I said yesterday, I didn't think it was a big deal up until last week. Then I started thinking about my grandma, my mom, and even my aunts, and what they were doing on their 19th birthday's, or what they had accomplished thus far. We'll start with Grandma.
When my Grandma turned 19, she had already married and given birth to my mom's old sister. I know that this was probably quite normal among most 19-year-old young women. That still doesn't change the fact that it's weird to think about. I mean, I haven't so much as gone on my first date (or courtship outing if you want to call it that). I know that this fact doesn't make me any less of a person, but it's still something to ponder.
Okay, by the time my mom and her sisters had turned 19, they had each completed a year of college.(they're birthdays are all in the summer) At this point in time I have only completed a month of college. so that's not really helping my self esteem at all. In addition, my aunt Tracey already had two nieces and one nephew by the time she turned 19. But I attribute that to the fact that she's the youngest, and 8 and 9 years younger than her older sisters. I've already come to the conclusion that I will not have the privilege of being an aunt for a very long time, unless I end up marrying someone who's already an uncle.(don't worry, that won't be the basis of looking for a future husband. it would just be an added bonus just like it would be if the guy I marry already has an uncle Bob so I can have one too!)
I'm so sorry if this post sounds depressing, but I'm only sharing what my thoughts contained over the past couple weeks. It's not always easy being the oldest in my immediate family. Some days I feel the trail-blazer inside of me, and other days I want to hide from my trail-blazer responsibilities. It's okay though, I know that God is there for me as a leaning post.
I would like to close this post with a chorus to a song of mine. I may have posted this chorus before, but it's good enough to post again.
Blink your eyes
Time goes by
Here we are on the side
Figuring out what we want to
Do with our lives
Where do we go from here
Where will we be
In another ten years
Oh where will we be
Ten years from now?
I'm excited about my birthday, I really am. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Thinking back to look ahead
Over the past month or so, I've been having lots of flashbacks to middle school. Why, you ask? Well, that's for me to know, and you to not find out yet. It's been very interesting though, thinking about the different people I hung out with compared to who my friends are now. I also thought of how monumental a drawing of a "scary caribou" can be. Now that I think of it, I wonder if I still have some of those drawings...once again, don't ask. Thinking back to those times gives the future a new light. Ok, so the fact that I'm turning 19 tomorrow may have something to do with it. Turning another year older didn't seem like a big deal a few weeks ago, so why does it matter now? well, i'm not really sure. ask me again in a few weeks and maybe I'll be able to tell you.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Lots of thoughts tonight
Ever since this morning, I seem to have a mind saturated with diverse thoughts. I have more questions than answers, and those questions produce more questions. In some ways I suppose it's a matter of sorting out my life. At the same time I realize it's going to take more than one day to sort all this out. For some of it I need to wait on God. Waiting can be extremely difficult at times.
Part of the reasons for feeling this way could be stress from school. By noon tomorrow I will have completed two tests in a row. This isn't exactly the most ideal way to start the week, but hopefully it'll only get better from there. I do know that I feel like homework is a never ending cycle, and as much as I try, I can't seem to get ahead.
Anyways, back to the mind full with thoughts thing. It's made today seem longer. I feel like I just fit three days into one. While there's a lot of unknowns in my thoughts right now, I do know that I can keep holding onto God. I know that He hears me, and will help me through these strange feelings I'm having. In the mean time I'll keep praying and find something to do while I'm waiting. Oh wait, I can do all that homework that's on my to-do list! (I love college, I promise!)
Part of the reasons for feeling this way could be stress from school. By noon tomorrow I will have completed two tests in a row. This isn't exactly the most ideal way to start the week, but hopefully it'll only get better from there. I do know that I feel like homework is a never ending cycle, and as much as I try, I can't seem to get ahead.
Anyways, back to the mind full with thoughts thing. It's made today seem longer. I feel like I just fit three days into one. While there's a lot of unknowns in my thoughts right now, I do know that I can keep holding onto God. I know that He hears me, and will help me through these strange feelings I'm having. In the mean time I'll keep praying and find something to do while I'm waiting. Oh wait, I can do all that homework that's on my to-do list! (I love college, I promise!)
Monday, September 07, 2009
while i'm on the subject...
I would just like to say that I love the media! and not for the reasons that the rest of us love the media. I really love studying the media, and learning as much as possible about it.
And this is why i can't decide what i want my concentration for my major to be. I guess i have time to think and pray about it though.
And this is why i can't decide what i want my concentration for my major to be. I guess i have time to think and pray about it though.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
just a thought
ok, i've really held back on saying the following comment, because i don't want it to come out of as a complaint. But the time has come to just say it. i feel like i've been 18 forever. it's not a bad thing. Actually, this past summer was the first where my age never really mattered, because everyone was in college, and all that did matter was that we were cleaning a bazillion bathrooms.
on another note, during the past few worship experiences, i have come up with parts to a song of mine. i actually wrote the chorus three years ago.(or something like that) this past sunday, i went to church with an awesome friend of mine. while i did actually get something out of that sermon, i had a verse to write down. thankfully the bulletin for that church has lots of white space for taking notes, so i did both. i took notes and wrote my song. although i always think i look really weird when i'm writing songs because i end up tapping out the rhythm, and sing to myself and stuff like that. oh well.
During Chapel today, i came up with the second verse. i still need to practice it all together to see how it sounds, but i think God really came through on that one. This is all such a blessing because i've been really struggling emotionally over the past few days. i still need a bridge to the song, but i'll wait on God's timing for that.
well, i need to head to class.
on another note, during the past few worship experiences, i have come up with parts to a song of mine. i actually wrote the chorus three years ago.(or something like that) this past sunday, i went to church with an awesome friend of mine. while i did actually get something out of that sermon, i had a verse to write down. thankfully the bulletin for that church has lots of white space for taking notes, so i did both. i took notes and wrote my song. although i always think i look really weird when i'm writing songs because i end up tapping out the rhythm, and sing to myself and stuff like that. oh well.
During Chapel today, i came up with the second verse. i still need to practice it all together to see how it sounds, but i think God really came through on that one. This is all such a blessing because i've been really struggling emotionally over the past few days. i still need a bridge to the song, but i'll wait on God's timing for that.
well, i need to head to class.
Monday, August 31, 2009
wow
where did all that time go? summer, working, enjoying sunsets and all that? actually, i think the sunsets are only going to get better as we move into the season of fall. last night's was pretty cool. oops, i 'm getting off track already.
ok, so classes start tomorrow. i'm kinda nervous about that, but i think it'll be okay. I still have some things to do in order to get ready. I'm waiting on a few books to arrive here by mail, and i have two or three books that i need to buy from the textbook express. Thankfully, since classes are starting on a tuesday, i only have two of them. one in the later morning, and another in the afternoon.
on really random note, it's amazing how Relient K songs don't really sounds old unless you really read into it, and it's amazing that so many people know so many of their songs. I love Relient K, and sometimes when i listen to some of their earlier stuff i'm reminded of Middle School. weird.
ok, so classes start tomorrow. i'm kinda nervous about that, but i think it'll be okay. I still have some things to do in order to get ready. I'm waiting on a few books to arrive here by mail, and i have two or three books that i need to buy from the textbook express. Thankfully, since classes are starting on a tuesday, i only have two of them. one in the later morning, and another in the afternoon.
on really random note, it's amazing how Relient K songs don't really sounds old unless you really read into it, and it's amazing that so many people know so many of their songs. I love Relient K, and sometimes when i listen to some of their earlier stuff i'm reminded of Middle School. weird.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
nervous energy
I am super nervous right now. While I know i shouldn't be nervous, under the circumstances, i think i'm allowed. In addition, I have about nine more minutes of nervousness until it all climaxes. I'm praying that God will calm my nerves, and just help me to stay sane. that's all, the end.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
College
So, it's Welcome Week. i'm loosing track of what day it is because every day for the past week has felt like a saturday. so now that today actually is saturday, it just feels weird. I keep seeing more and more people from high school, and i think that's going to really help my transition. Obviously, living here during the summer helped both myself and my parents with the transition of me not living at home anymore.
We've been doing lots of activities, and attending lots of meetings. yesterday we went on a service project to various places in the area. I love service projects, and really enjoyed my experience.
the cafeteria on campus has been a lot crowded compared to during the summer. i guess it's not quite as bad as it was whenever the Jewish Conference was here. But for dinner yesterday and lunch today i went with a large group, and that almost makes it worse. but we found places to sit, and it provided a great time for fellowship between the people on my floor and in my peer group.
well, i have to get ready for a floor meeting that i think is in the lounge.(i should probably check on that) so far i really like college, and community.
We've been doing lots of activities, and attending lots of meetings. yesterday we went on a service project to various places in the area. I love service projects, and really enjoyed my experience.
the cafeteria on campus has been a lot crowded compared to during the summer. i guess it's not quite as bad as it was whenever the Jewish Conference was here. But for dinner yesterday and lunch today i went with a large group, and that almost makes it worse. but we found places to sit, and it provided a great time for fellowship between the people on my floor and in my peer group.
well, i have to get ready for a floor meeting that i think is in the lounge.(i should probably check on that) so far i really like college, and community.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
and here i am again
Somehow, it doesn't feel like I took this test two years ago. It feels like two weeks. And yet, here I am again waiting to take a test that could change my life. sure, it could be like the last one where it did not amount to anything, but what if this one gets me through to the next step? what if this actually changes my life? Everyone says that they could see me being on Jeopardy. While I'm not always able to answer the questions ever single night I watch the show, I love when knowledge of school or random facts show up. Yesterday, for example, there was one clue where the contestants had to take the derivative to come up with the question! I'm not sure if anyone else my age became so excited with being able to actually apply Calculus to real life.
I almost decided not to take this first step in taking the online test. But then I remembered a quote I've read a million times passing through the school hallways. It goes along the lines of missing 100% of the shots you never take. That's about the time when i decided i had nothing to lose.
Through it all, I keep remembering a different version of 1 Peter 5:7. In the NIV text, it says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you." However, The Message: Remix starting at verse 6 states, "So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you."
I like how that's worded. He will promote you at the right time. So right now might not be what God had in mind in terms of promoting me. Or maybe, I am supposed to be promoted right about now. By the way, in this case, I use the term promoted not in the sense of getting a raise, but just being blessed in a public way. Either way, I have peace of mind knowing that I am capable of watching TV for educational purposes, in addition to taking what I learn on Jeopardy and applying it to school. Not that it happens often, but once in awhile something like that will come up.
That, my dear friends, is what my heart has to say. Well, it's part of it. The other part doesn't even pertain to the topic of discussion.
I almost decided not to take this first step in taking the online test. But then I remembered a quote I've read a million times passing through the school hallways. It goes along the lines of missing 100% of the shots you never take. That's about the time when i decided i had nothing to lose.
Through it all, I keep remembering a different version of 1 Peter 5:7. In the NIV text, it says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you." However, The Message: Remix starting at verse 6 states, "So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you."
I like how that's worded. He will promote you at the right time. So right now might not be what God had in mind in terms of promoting me. Or maybe, I am supposed to be promoted right about now. By the way, in this case, I use the term promoted not in the sense of getting a raise, but just being blessed in a public way. Either way, I have peace of mind knowing that I am capable of watching TV for educational purposes, in addition to taking what I learn on Jeopardy and applying it to school. Not that it happens often, but once in awhile something like that will come up.
That, my dear friends, is what my heart has to say. Well, it's part of it. The other part doesn't even pertain to the topic of discussion.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Dealing with Transitions
Yesterday I completed my last day of working for the summer. while i was really impatient all day for time to go faster so i could be done, i was really sad when it was over. since completing my time at the Pizza Buffet, i guess i always thought i'd be in a job situation for the long run.(even though i knew my full time work would come to a close at the end of the summer) but after leaving the second floor hub without my name tag holder, key, or any of my work shirts, tears found their way to my eyes. i guess i've been through so many changes lately, so it's just been hard going through yet another one. also, yesterday was just really fun, despite the fact that we had to clean nine bathrooms. one of my co-workers brought his CDs to listen to while we cleaned, and he had a lot of christian ska (Five Iron Frenzy and the O.C. Supertones) and just some great music from the late 90s/early 2000s. i had a blast listening to all that stuff while cleaning each toilet in the building.
so after leaving work in tears, i decided that i needed to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. and i came to the conclusion that i just don't handle transitions the best, especially when a bunch come in the span of three months or so. and i knew my full time work would come to a close. it just came really fast, that's all.
so, what's next, you ask? well, i have three days of preparation for welcome week. all that means is that i need to get this room cleaned up in three days. also somewhere in there i need to get my computer configured for the college's network, and find out whether i have all the school supplies i need. lastly, i'm going to rest. after thursday, i'm going to be pretty busy for the next two months or so (until fall break). am i scared? yes. But i know that the education i received from Mechanicsburg surely taught me something about college.(after all, isn't that what they attempted to do in Period Zero?) I also know that God never brings us through anything that He and I can't complete together. that alone has brought me through so much in my life.
so after leaving work in tears, i decided that i needed to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. and i came to the conclusion that i just don't handle transitions the best, especially when a bunch come in the span of three months or so. and i knew my full time work would come to a close. it just came really fast, that's all.
so, what's next, you ask? well, i have three days of preparation for welcome week. all that means is that i need to get this room cleaned up in three days. also somewhere in there i need to get my computer configured for the college's network, and find out whether i have all the school supplies i need. lastly, i'm going to rest. after thursday, i'm going to be pretty busy for the next two months or so (until fall break). am i scared? yes. But i know that the education i received from Mechanicsburg surely taught me something about college.(after all, isn't that what they attempted to do in Period Zero?) I also know that God never brings us through anything that He and I can't complete together. that alone has brought me through so much in my life.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
moved again
so here i am, in fall housing. after two month of working for Campus Events, and living in Bittner with the rest of the summer workers, it has come time to move. and frankly, Bittner will always hold a special place in my heart. i now live in a building on the outskirts of campus, and on top of all that it's facing the wrong way, towards the sewage treatment center. (why did Upper Allen Twp have to pick Grantham for this stuff????)
my stuff isn't quite unpacked, i'm not sure if it will be by the time my three roommates get here for Welcome Week. i didn't sleep that well or that much last night, but i'm hoping to go to bed earlier tonight.
there are a few good things i'm finding out about this building, however. I am on the third floor, so i get great reception when listening to my favorite radio station. and, i've found that i can get WCRH, which comes out of Williamsport, near where my grandparents live in Maryland. i was amazed when i found i could get it crystal clear. i can't even get WDAC clear like that from Lancaster! so i guess i'll be able to listen to Adventures in Odyssey from WCRH if i happen to be around. the only downside is that these two radio stations (WJTL and WCRH) are right next to each other on the dial, so hopefully i'll be able to keep them separate.
another awesome thing about this place is that there's a TV in the lobby with a VCR connected to it. so i actually might do some of my TV watching down there, and bring some cassette tapes to watch at some point.(just because i can)
at least i can rest in the assurance of knowing that if i want to exercise all i need to do is run up and down all the stairs a few times.
my stuff isn't quite unpacked, i'm not sure if it will be by the time my three roommates get here for Welcome Week. i didn't sleep that well or that much last night, but i'm hoping to go to bed earlier tonight.
there are a few good things i'm finding out about this building, however. I am on the third floor, so i get great reception when listening to my favorite radio station. and, i've found that i can get WCRH, which comes out of Williamsport, near where my grandparents live in Maryland. i was amazed when i found i could get it crystal clear. i can't even get WDAC clear like that from Lancaster! so i guess i'll be able to listen to Adventures in Odyssey from WCRH if i happen to be around. the only downside is that these two radio stations (WJTL and WCRH) are right next to each other on the dial, so hopefully i'll be able to keep them separate.
another awesome thing about this place is that there's a TV in the lobby with a VCR connected to it. so i actually might do some of my TV watching down there, and bring some cassette tapes to watch at some point.(just because i can)
at least i can rest in the assurance of knowing that if i want to exercise all i need to do is run up and down all the stairs a few times.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
so much to say
wow, a lot has happened since i posted last in May. The job i thought i was going to get, i didn't, and ended up with a job at the college i will attend in the fall. because of all that, i decided to move in early, which has been the best decision ever! i've found that living away from home has it's own sets of challenges, and responsibilities, but i like it all. i've made a few new friends, and i get along with my co-workers pretty well. and now summer is almost over.
oh, and failed to mention the most important thing that has happened to me over the past few months. i graduated from high school!!!! the graduation ceremony went so well, and i had so much fun. yes, it was a bit stuffy and hot in the arena where the ceremony was held, but it was so worth it. Graduation was held at Messiah College, which is a nice transition for me. since my dad works there, he was able to come to the rehearsal earlier that day to find out where i would be sitting, so he would know where to save seats. he also was able to get in before they opened the door to the public so that he could get the best seats possible. i really liked that advantage, even though i'm not the one who benefited from it.
along with my transition of living arrangements came a change of church. I knew this day was coming, and i might as well of been counting down the days. It actually took a few sundays before i could because of other obligations, plus i had to work two sundays in a row. but i finally did make it to Grantham BIC, and i really like it there. i feel so at home, and it's been really awesome for my spiritual growth. unfortunately, i have to go back to my home church for two weeks towards the end of August, but thankfully i'll be able to listen to the sermons from Grantham online for the weeks i missed.
i've written another song, and have been practicing the others. i'm not exactly sure what i'm practicing them for, but i know God will let me know when the time is right.
so next week i'll move into my fall housing, and continue to prepare for the start of college. i'm excited and nervous all at the same time. but i know it's going to be good. not always easy or fun, but all around good.
oh, and failed to mention the most important thing that has happened to me over the past few months. i graduated from high school!!!! the graduation ceremony went so well, and i had so much fun. yes, it was a bit stuffy and hot in the arena where the ceremony was held, but it was so worth it. Graduation was held at Messiah College, which is a nice transition for me. since my dad works there, he was able to come to the rehearsal earlier that day to find out where i would be sitting, so he would know where to save seats. he also was able to get in before they opened the door to the public so that he could get the best seats possible. i really liked that advantage, even though i'm not the one who benefited from it.
along with my transition of living arrangements came a change of church. I knew this day was coming, and i might as well of been counting down the days. It actually took a few sundays before i could because of other obligations, plus i had to work two sundays in a row. but i finally did make it to Grantham BIC, and i really like it there. i feel so at home, and it's been really awesome for my spiritual growth. unfortunately, i have to go back to my home church for two weeks towards the end of August, but thankfully i'll be able to listen to the sermons from Grantham online for the weeks i missed.
i've written another song, and have been practicing the others. i'm not exactly sure what i'm practicing them for, but i know God will let me know when the time is right.
so next week i'll move into my fall housing, and continue to prepare for the start of college. i'm excited and nervous all at the same time. but i know it's going to be good. not always easy or fun, but all around good.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Say Goodbye
This is the last Monday of my high school career. Well, other than graduation Monday that is. In exactly 21 days, I will be walking across a stage and departing on the rest of my life. Pretty scary, right? Actually, in a way I am scared. Not scared that I don't know what I'm doing in the long run, because I know. It's just getting to that point that seems scary. All this, by the way, leads to a very exciting announcement.
A week after I graduate, I will be starting a full time job with the state. I'll be riding the bus every day (hopefully...I'm still working out those details). Not sure what exactly I'll be doing but I know it involves office stuff. Either way, I'm very excited to be embarking on this adventure for the summer. I know that it'll take up a lot of my time, and I will only have saturdays to sleep in, but that's okay with me. It's a little different when you're earning money and getting up early everyday than when you're not. I just hope that I'll have enough self-discipline to go to bed earlier each night.
I hope to meet many new people with this new job, and maybe even network a bit. I figure it can't hurt just in case I'll need a job after college. One major thing on my "to-do" list this week is to hand in my two week notice for my current job. I work at a Pizza Buffet right now. We don't have many part time workers, so I'm interested to see the reaction of the managers when I hand over that letter telling them my plans. I already have a first draft written, and intend to put it into a Word document so I can print and sign it and all that official stuff.
So, back to this last week of school. It's actually just our last full week with classes, because next week Seniors have review days and finals. I achieved exemption for most of my classes. Survey of British Literature became my enemy, therefore I will be taking that final. Elementary Concepts of Calc suddenly made sense somewhere along the way, and so I am on the boarder line of being exempt for that. If I preform extremely well on the next test, which is very attainable, I will be exempt. I need to turn in the form by Thursday, so it'll be really dramatic until then to see if I'm exempt from math.
Getting back on track, next week I will only have to come into school for Survey of Brit Lit and gym class (and math if I have to take the final). This means I come in for period two and three on the first review day.(and maybe period seven) and then on the second day just period 2. Thursday of that we I have off, because I don't take Social Studies or World Language, and those finals are on Thursday. Friday of next week I have Survey of Brit Lit. If I'm taking the math final that will be before Survey of Brit Lit. I like this because then I can spend all my energy on math, and then not try at all of Brit Lit.
Maybe I just need to focus on this week. Or maybe just today. The idea of graduating has been very exciting so far. I will feel sadness saying to goodbye to all my friends. Thankfully, someone came up with the bright idea to invent email and facebook, so we will all be able to keep in touch! It just won't be the same...
A week after I graduate, I will be starting a full time job with the state. I'll be riding the bus every day (hopefully...I'm still working out those details). Not sure what exactly I'll be doing but I know it involves office stuff. Either way, I'm very excited to be embarking on this adventure for the summer. I know that it'll take up a lot of my time, and I will only have saturdays to sleep in, but that's okay with me. It's a little different when you're earning money and getting up early everyday than when you're not. I just hope that I'll have enough self-discipline to go to bed earlier each night.
I hope to meet many new people with this new job, and maybe even network a bit. I figure it can't hurt just in case I'll need a job after college. One major thing on my "to-do" list this week is to hand in my two week notice for my current job. I work at a Pizza Buffet right now. We don't have many part time workers, so I'm interested to see the reaction of the managers when I hand over that letter telling them my plans. I already have a first draft written, and intend to put it into a Word document so I can print and sign it and all that official stuff.
So, back to this last week of school. It's actually just our last full week with classes, because next week Seniors have review days and finals. I achieved exemption for most of my classes. Survey of British Literature became my enemy, therefore I will be taking that final. Elementary Concepts of Calc suddenly made sense somewhere along the way, and so I am on the boarder line of being exempt for that. If I preform extremely well on the next test, which is very attainable, I will be exempt. I need to turn in the form by Thursday, so it'll be really dramatic until then to see if I'm exempt from math.
Getting back on track, next week I will only have to come into school for Survey of Brit Lit and gym class (and math if I have to take the final). This means I come in for period two and three on the first review day.(and maybe period seven) and then on the second day just period 2. Thursday of that we I have off, because I don't take Social Studies or World Language, and those finals are on Thursday. Friday of next week I have Survey of Brit Lit. If I'm taking the math final that will be before Survey of Brit Lit. I like this because then I can spend all my energy on math, and then not try at all of Brit Lit.
Maybe I just need to focus on this week. Or maybe just today. The idea of graduating has been very exciting so far. I will feel sadness saying to goodbye to all my friends. Thankfully, someone came up with the bright idea to invent email and facebook, so we will all be able to keep in touch! It just won't be the same...
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Grantham
I don't how it works for the rest of you, but I found out last night that if I need to pray about something, it really helps of I'm in the place I'm praying about. That may seem complicated and unreasonable, but last night the place I needed to pray about was only a ten minute drive from my house. Joel needed to go in that direction anyways.
See, for whatever reason I have been extremely worried and stressed about paying for college. Well, I was upset and worried about more than that, but it's taking a lot for me to work through everything that's bugging me. I have troubles voicing my "deep down opinions" for fear that my parents won't honestly listen, therefore leaving me worse off. Except for the fact that I'll be worse off either way because everything just keeps eating away at me, which is probably one reason why I'm really looking forward to moving out. Even so, I have a feeling that these problems will follow me to whatever residence I end up living in.
Anyways, sorry to digress. As I mentioned, paying for college probably stresses me out more than the work load itself. Even though I have tuition remission, the bill for living (and breathing) at college is a lot for an 18 year old to pay with no help what so ever. Well, I haven't had any help yet. No scholarships (yet) or secret benefactors. I don't even know of anyone who could be a secret benefactor. All I have is my stupid stupid self who just works maybe 7 hours a week if I'm blessed enough, and has been making minimum wage for the past two years! Why did I ever take this in the first place?
So anyways, I'm looking for a new job, and hopefully a full time job for the summer. It's kinda hard to come to this realization before a holiday, because I can't just go out and ask for applications on Good Friday. Well, I could, but I really want to focus on Jesus, not money. I may have to let go of my not working on sundays thing, which bothers me. Seriously, I will die if I don't go to church.
I digressed again! My point is, since I didn't know what to do, and I didn't really feel like being around other people, I took Joel to Chill Time at Grantham, and went to the college library, to work on a scholarship essay. I needed to get online for something, probably just to check my email, but I couldn't access the college's internet on the laptop. I typed in my user name and password, but over and over again it wouldn't work. Even when I came home and tried to log onto my college email, that didn't work either. I don't know what's going on with that, so I hope no one important emails me on my college email. Anyways, I wrote down some ideas for the essay, and then headed down to the creek. I walked around and prayed. And I felt like praying that the place of my future schooling/residence really helped give focus. I know that God would've still been listening if i would've stayed home and prayed, but I would've been distracted. I'm always distracted while I'm trying to something important. Some family member is always either asking/telling me to do something, or wants to show me something, but I'm not getting graded on housework/chores/viewing random youtube videos, I'm getting graded on understanding Shakespeare, and doing calculus problems.(by the way, I'm starting to question why Shakespeare had to be so great. why couldn't he have been a fad that went out with the 16th century?) These distractions are part of the reason I refuse to live at home and go to college.
I really felt at peace while I walked back to Lady Blue.(um..that's our mini van. i have a bit of an emotional attachment to that thing) I'm not exactly sure where to go from here.(insert Pillar song) I guess I need to continue with my job search. I did come to the conclusion that if Jesus can sacrifice His life, maybe I can sacrifice sleep, school work, and sundays(afternoons and evenings). I'm working on being open to pretty much anything, as long as it pays, and can give me lots of hours over the summer. I'll be sad to leave the pizza buffet, seeing how it's been apart of my life for the past two years. They can't give me the hour i need/have been looking for.
I also found last night that walking helps my anger. I've always had problems with anger, but no one bothered to show me practical ways to get rid of it. The only problem with my solution is that I'm not allowed to walk in town after dark, because I'm a vulnerable adult who could get mugged or something. So that leaves me with one other option: writing. How is it that I can never meet word requirements on essays about natural disasters, and yet I have gone on and on and on just now? I have no problem writing. My grammer and style, and comma uses suck, but I like writing.
Speaking of which, I need to switch laundry and then write more for my essay. Maybe later today I can post about planning our lives around TV, and how it's starting to really disgust me, and how I fear it can tear a family a part.
See, for whatever reason I have been extremely worried and stressed about paying for college. Well, I was upset and worried about more than that, but it's taking a lot for me to work through everything that's bugging me. I have troubles voicing my "deep down opinions" for fear that my parents won't honestly listen, therefore leaving me worse off. Except for the fact that I'll be worse off either way because everything just keeps eating away at me, which is probably one reason why I'm really looking forward to moving out. Even so, I have a feeling that these problems will follow me to whatever residence I end up living in.
Anyways, sorry to digress. As I mentioned, paying for college probably stresses me out more than the work load itself. Even though I have tuition remission, the bill for living (and breathing) at college is a lot for an 18 year old to pay with no help what so ever. Well, I haven't had any help yet. No scholarships (yet) or secret benefactors. I don't even know of anyone who could be a secret benefactor. All I have is my stupid stupid self who just works maybe 7 hours a week if I'm blessed enough, and has been making minimum wage for the past two years! Why did I ever take this in the first place?
So anyways, I'm looking for a new job, and hopefully a full time job for the summer. It's kinda hard to come to this realization before a holiday, because I can't just go out and ask for applications on Good Friday. Well, I could, but I really want to focus on Jesus, not money. I may have to let go of my not working on sundays thing, which bothers me. Seriously, I will die if I don't go to church.
I digressed again! My point is, since I didn't know what to do, and I didn't really feel like being around other people, I took Joel to Chill Time at Grantham, and went to the college library, to work on a scholarship essay. I needed to get online for something, probably just to check my email, but I couldn't access the college's internet on the laptop. I typed in my user name and password, but over and over again it wouldn't work. Even when I came home and tried to log onto my college email, that didn't work either. I don't know what's going on with that, so I hope no one important emails me on my college email. Anyways, I wrote down some ideas for the essay, and then headed down to the creek. I walked around and prayed. And I felt like praying that the place of my future schooling/residence really helped give focus. I know that God would've still been listening if i would've stayed home and prayed, but I would've been distracted. I'm always distracted while I'm trying to something important. Some family member is always either asking/telling me to do something, or wants to show me something, but I'm not getting graded on housework/chores/viewing random youtube videos, I'm getting graded on understanding Shakespeare, and doing calculus problems.(by the way, I'm starting to question why Shakespeare had to be so great. why couldn't he have been a fad that went out with the 16th century?) These distractions are part of the reason I refuse to live at home and go to college.
I really felt at peace while I walked back to Lady Blue.(um..that's our mini van. i have a bit of an emotional attachment to that thing) I'm not exactly sure where to go from here.(insert Pillar song) I guess I need to continue with my job search. I did come to the conclusion that if Jesus can sacrifice His life, maybe I can sacrifice sleep, school work, and sundays(afternoons and evenings). I'm working on being open to pretty much anything, as long as it pays, and can give me lots of hours over the summer. I'll be sad to leave the pizza buffet, seeing how it's been apart of my life for the past two years. They can't give me the hour i need/have been looking for.
I also found last night that walking helps my anger. I've always had problems with anger, but no one bothered to show me practical ways to get rid of it. The only problem with my solution is that I'm not allowed to walk in town after dark, because I'm a vulnerable adult who could get mugged or something. So that leaves me with one other option: writing. How is it that I can never meet word requirements on essays about natural disasters, and yet I have gone on and on and on just now? I have no problem writing. My grammer and style, and comma uses suck, but I like writing.
Speaking of which, I need to switch laundry and then write more for my essay. Maybe later today I can post about planning our lives around TV, and how it's starting to really disgust me, and how I fear it can tear a family a part.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Craziness
I've just started to realize how crazy life is for me right now. I mean, I'm graduating in two months and five days, and officially moving to Grantham in...I don't know how many days. But I've heard that the count is down to less than 150 days. I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to resist senioritis, but alas, my efforts are slowly stopping. I'm still trying in my classes, but I just seem to get more frustrated with the hard stuff, and the long stuff, and confusing stuff. How is it that we get to a point where we don't care? How do we get out of it?
All I know is that the time is flying by. In some ways I feel sad, because sometimes I can feel this school year slipping away from my grasp. At the leadership meeting the other day, we realized that we don't have that many Christian Clubs left. Just one more for April, and then we'll be in may, which only has three or four! Christian Club has been one of the soul factors of helping my attitude about high school. In fact, I still come in early for Christian Club even though I could sleep in, and don't have to be at school until 8:55.(first period study hall) It's been a distinct love of mine, and something from which I will carry memories. I feel so sad knowing that it's all going to go away. Or maybe it's just me who's going away. Either case, I'm feeling bittersweet. Some other days I'm just ready to be done, and be Grantham-bound. but I know I have work to finish here at school before I go on to the next school.
Moving on...I finished Deuteronomy today! I just need to ready Psalm 91 (or is it 19...) and then it's onto Joshua and Judges. After that I should be back on schedule. With that said, I think it's time to wrap up this post.
All I know is that the time is flying by. In some ways I feel sad, because sometimes I can feel this school year slipping away from my grasp. At the leadership meeting the other day, we realized that we don't have that many Christian Clubs left. Just one more for April, and then we'll be in may, which only has three or four! Christian Club has been one of the soul factors of helping my attitude about high school. In fact, I still come in early for Christian Club even though I could sleep in, and don't have to be at school until 8:55.(first period study hall) It's been a distinct love of mine, and something from which I will carry memories. I feel so sad knowing that it's all going to go away. Or maybe it's just me who's going away. Either case, I'm feeling bittersweet. Some other days I'm just ready to be done, and be Grantham-bound. but I know I have work to finish here at school before I go on to the next school.
Moving on...I finished Deuteronomy today! I just need to ready Psalm 91 (or is it 19...) and then it's onto Joshua and Judges. After that I should be back on schedule. With that said, I think it's time to wrap up this post.
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