one and lonely

why do i have to be a loner? it seems i've been like that all my life. first of all, i'm the only left hander in my family. and in church no one was ever really my friend. at least, no one wanted to be. making fun of me or totally ignoring me all together was always so much easier. well, actually they never caused me any problems until middle school. but i still ended up being the odd one out. in school, in all my classes no one ever wants to be my partner. it's like i have some kind of sign over my head that says i'm a bad person or something. i have friends in my classes, but they always have closer friends who'd they would like to be partners with. so they always end up being partners, except for when there's a project where three people may work together.

last year in french class, is a perfect example of this. we were supposed to be partners with the person sitting next to us. well, for the entire year, i sat in a seat with no one beside me. it was horrible. and then i think Madame felt bad for me because she made me the "techy" person of the class. if the projector or tv didn't work, she'd call me "Elisabeth" to come to the rescue. and while i'm okay with stuff like that, i'm not top notch. so sometimes i'd get it going again, but not always.

my teachers basically all get used to the fact that i work alone. what they don't know is that sometimes i would be so much better working with someone else, because i can't do it all myself. in the words of a band called Mae, "Sometimes i can't make it alone." Whenever we did the posters of a region for cooking class, mine never got voted for because i'm not an artsy person, and no one wanted to work with me to help make it look better.

today in Government class, we worked on worksheets, and we were supposed to work with a partner. guess who didn't have a partner? like i said, teachers catch on quick that i work by myself. and then instead of working on my worksheet, i ended up thinking about how people hate working with me, and i had tears running down my face. of course, i tried to hold as many back as possible, because there's so many people in that class. but no one cared anyways. and then there were no time for tears in math class because i had a quiz to conquer. but it's interesting how no one seems to care. they're really wrapped up in their picture perfect life.

at church i end up hanging out with all the adults. i even dropped out of the high school sunday school class to join one of the adult sunday school classes. but that's because I felt God telling me it was time to change. He finally said "Go!" (and i'm so glad he did!) apparently the high school class has never been the same since.

another thing, i find i've been hanging out with seniors a lot. and i'm a junior. so i don't know what i'm going to do once they all leave. but i'm not worried about that quite yet.

well, that's my rant for now. basically, no one talks to me in any of my classes. well, except for physics. a good friend of mine is in there, and sits next to me, and is my lab partner. i'm so thankful to have her in that class. none of us are really good friends with anyone else in the class.

and i know that God is with me always, and Jesus (and the WORD FM) will always be my best friend. even if no one else conciders me their best friend, Jesus will. i know he loves me so much, and i love him so much too. i wouldn't be sitting here otherwise.