Oh Wow, Another Year to Review!

Over the past month or so I've been thinking about 2009, and what happened during that year.  As I kept thinking, I realized that God did so much in my life!  I feel like I could write a book about 2009 if I tried, because that's how eventful it was.  I'll start at the very beginning, since Julie Andrews says that's the best place to start.  The first few months of 2009 were not that eventful.  I just went through my last semester of high school.  In that process, I worked at letting go of a friendship that I thought God had finished in my life.  This friendship never really ended on sour terms, but rather simply phased out.  Eventually graduation came around, providing me with one of the sweetest nights of my life. 

A week after graduation I moved out of my parent's house and started working full time.  God gave me this awesome opportunity to work at Messiah College for a few months before I started school.  It was the best decision of my life to get a taste of campus life before classes started in September.  Even though sometimes I mourn the fact that all I did during the summer was work, it doesn't change the fact that I will never regret summer work. 

In addition to working during the summer, I also found myself pulling out of a "spiritual crisis" that I happened to be in for the past two years.  As I finished high school, and moved into this community of believers, I noticed changes in my spiritual life, but still struggled with rebuilding that connection and relationship with God.  In late July, however, I received an email from that friend that I let go of earlier in the year.  Basically, in our conversation he said something about God putting my name on his heart for someone to contact.  Just knowing that God was still using me in the lives of others was enough to fully pull me out of that spiritual crisis.  I wrote a song about it, and you may contact me if you would like to see the lyrics to that song.

After a long summer of work, I officially started college!  This past semester was definitely an eye opening experience.  I also started doing a radio show again!  It reminded me of how much I love radio, and it's definitely what God called me to do with my life.  I can't wait to continue my radio show next semester!

Along with this whole theme of change, in case you didn't pick that up for this year's events, I changed churches twice this year.  During the summer I attended the church just outside of campus.  I can walk to it from my dorm, which helped since I do not own a car.  Then I helped the friend that contacted me during the summer with finding his new church home.  Once he found his new church, I felt God calling me to continue to go with him.  And even though at times through September and October I felt like I should bail out of this whole thing, God kept nudging me to go. 

The previous two months could probably have a blog post of their own.  But I'll try to summarize the best I can.  Basically, I conducted my first DTR (or Pulling a Ruth, if you want to call it that) ever with this guy who had been taking me to church.  It was seriously the hardest thing I ever did in my life.  Needless to say at first I did not receive the response I desired.  From this first response, I spent the next week figuring out what to do with myself now.  I knew that first and foremost I needed to switch churches yet again.  That was a rough week, but I got through it with God's help.  I learned a lot about leaning on God, and relying on His strength.  With the twists and turns of life came a change of heart from David.  Thankfully this change was for the better. 

So from this experience, I went from being single to starting a relationship.  We waited until I finished the semester so that I wasn't juggling too many things at once.  This explains why I mentioned the countdown twice in my previous post, and why I didn't blog much in trying to keep this a semi-secret. After going back and reading the blog post from my birthday, it's funny to see how God works everything out.  I had talked about not going on date yet in my life, but two and a half months after that it actually happened.  In this I also realized that I had been waiting for roughly seven years for David to ask me out.  That's pretty crazy.

Overall, 2009 was a great year.  So many cool things happened, and I learned a lot, and changed a lot.  Even though having these constant changes took their toll on my emotions, I'm thankful for the continuous opportunity to learn to cope with change.  Just because 2009 is coming to a close does not mean the changes will stop, and I'm okay with that.  While I have an idea of what 2010 will bring, I'm okay with not knowing the full picture.  It gives me more chances to trust the one who leads me through life.

I should be working on homework...

I couldn't complete today without posting my thoughts from one of my classes today.  I'm 28 days from completing my first semester in college (not that I'm counting or anything) and the work load is starting to multiply.  Thankfully, I feel okay about it, and know that if I keep trusting God, and reorganizing my priorities, eventually everything will be completed.  Each one of these 28 days will bring its own struggles and challenges, but I will push on towards the goal. 

Anyways, onto my main point of this post.  Today in my Foundations of Marriage and Family class, we talked about people as the reach the middle age and elderly years.  My professor ended with showing us a clip from Good Morning America that featured Robin Roberts being transformed from her 45-year-old self into an 85 year-old-woman. The whole concept puts everything in a new perspective, but there was one part that stuck out the most to me.  When Robin goes to the grocery store as her 85-year-old self, there's a hidden camera that goes along for the ride.  As she narrates her journey, she points out that some people laugh at her, while some others tried to help her if she had problems reaching an item on the shelf.

As I watched this, the following thought hit me, "What happened to those people who helped Robin once they found out it was Robin Roberts (if they watched the end result)?"  Also, I wonder how many people would have helped her if they would have known?  God decided to run with those thoughts and bring me to another conclusion.  We do that to Jesus.  What if Jesus wants us to reach out and help someone in need?  How many times to we brush these off notions because we think it won't matter?  Personally, I don't even want to know, because I'm sure many times I haven't even thought about opportunities to help staring me in the face.

So there it is, what I wanted to share with the world.  I hope you appreciated me coming up to breathe in the form of posting this on my blog.  Realistically, you probably won't hear from me again until December 17th.  But, that's only 28 days away!

Just when I thought I was done...

How is it that during the low stress times of my life I have no relationship problems to speak of, and then when all this stress piles up, it walks in and says "Hey! Remember me?  We haven't debated in forever!"  Obviously God knows what's going on, so I'll keep following Him.  Maybe I end up creating the issue, making it larger than life.  I just know that I need to keep waiting, and praying for my future husband.  Sure, it gets monotonous after awhile, but I have faith that my persistence will pay off someday...hopefully someday soon. 

Thankfully, I have a wealth of resources to help me in my journey.  Every Sunday morning I eat breakfast in the floor lounge and listen to The Boundless Show.  They always have sound advice on all aspects of being a young adult.  They usually provide a good dose of humor as well, which puts me in a great mood before I head off to church.  I really wish another one of my friends listened to Boundless, because there's so much I want to discuss with someone, but can't.  For now I'll keep listening, reading, and thinking. 

Well, I need to get back to the normal College life stuff.  Maybe I'll find more time to blog over fall break?

A morning like this can't go without a blog post...

So, it's kinda early for a Saturday, and I've already been up for what seems like forever. Let me explain: My mom is going to Ohio because he uncle is getting remarried out there. Actually, it seems like a lot of people I know are either out in Ohio or Indiana. I really don't understand, what's so great about those states? Just kidding, I know people who love it out there, just like I love it here in PA. Anywho, Mom's plane left at 6:15am, which meant she needed to be at the airport at 5am or so. Now, Mom considered just paying to leave the car at HIA, but I jumped in and volunteered to drive her to the Airport so that I could have a vehicle, but that's another story for another day. Anyways, I slept on the lounge chair in the living room last night, and woke up to my parent's alarm clock going off at 3:30am. I figured while I was awake, I might as well get ready for the day, since I knew we'd be leaving during the 4 o'clock hour. We didn't leave until 4:45am, but that's okay because there was no traffic what so ever until we got closer to Harrisburg.

After Mom check her luggage, and started going through security, I decided to follow the signs for the observation deck, because that just sounded like fun, and what else is a girl to do at 5:30 in the morning? Well, HIA's observation deck isn't exactly much to write home about. Plus, I knew that I'd have to wait at least a half an hour before any planes took off (it's a small airport), and didn't want to wait that long. So I made my way back to the parking garage, only to find that I couldn't remember where I parked the van. I don't usually find myself in this predicament, and thankfully I realized that I came back to the parking garage a different way than when Mom and I left it. I was able to remember some of the surroundings of where we parked, and eventually found it! Mind you, this was my very first parking garage experience, and I think I did pretty well.

I drove out of the parking garage, paid for parking, and made my way towards the highways. I was doing okay until I had to chose whether I needed to take 83 north or south. Somehow I ended up in the lane for 83 north before I could change my mind. So I went with it, and knew that I saw signs saying it would lead to I-81, and I knew that once I got to I-81 I'd regain my sense of direction. Somewhere around there is started to rain. No biggie, it's been raining a bit lately, and I can handle it. Then it started raining harder and harder, until I needed to put the wipers on high in order to see! I checked the clock, which told me it was 6:00am. Good, Mom's plane hadn't left yet. I turned this time into my morning devotion, praying fervently that I wouldn't die right there on whatever highway the van was on. The drivers around me didn't seem to understand my precautions of going slow in dark while pouring down rain, but they just passed me and it was okay. (because what's the use of driving fast when you can't see?)

It was scary, and reminded me of whenever I helped with the driving out to Ohio and went through two major thunderstorms head on while driving on the turnpike. This had the added element of experiencing it in the dark. I made it to the Carlisle Pike, where I walked around a little bit at Wegman's and WalMart. I was going to go to Panera Bread, but they didn't open until 7, and I figured I might as well go back to the college to get a meal included in my meal plan, so I wouldn't have to pay anything.

No, I haven't slept since I got back, and yes, I'm tired. I still need to work at some point today, and should probably do some homework. I'll sleep at some point, I'm just not sure when. I'll figure it out though, no worries.

Another new song!

so for the past two days a new song has been forming in my head! I'm really excited to see the creative process go to work like this! I don't have a title for it yet, and probably won't until I absolutely need it. I already have some of the chords on guitar, but am waiting until I can get to a piano to try to figure that out, because I'm hearing piano in my head. It's harder for me to write music on piano, so it's something I don't usually do, but definitely feel like in order for me to put my best into this song, I need to at least attempt to pick out the music on piano.

I'm not ready to share the lyrics with the world yet, however. This song is extremely personal to me at the moment, making it very difficult to share.

Well, this week so far has been good. There's still much to do before the week ends, but I know that with God's help I can accomplish much!

so here I am

It's here, I'm 19. If you want to be technical about it I won't be 19 until 11:54am. The story goes that on the day when I was born, the doctor told my mom that I would be here before the end of the Price is Right show. and that's what happened! I was born exactly 40 years after the Peanuts comic debut.

So, how do I feel about being 19? Well, like I said yesterday, I didn't think it was a big deal up until last week. Then I started thinking about my grandma, my mom, and even my aunts, and what they were doing on their 19th birthday's, or what they had accomplished thus far. We'll start with Grandma.

When my Grandma turned 19, she had already married and given birth to my mom's old sister. I know that this was probably quite normal among most 19-year-old young women. That still doesn't change the fact that it's weird to think about. I mean, I haven't so much as gone on my first date (or courtship outing if you want to call it that). I know that this fact doesn't make me any less of a person, but it's still something to ponder.

Okay, by the time my mom and her sisters had turned 19, they had each completed a year of college.(they're birthdays are all in the summer) At this point in time I have only completed a month of college. so that's not really helping my self esteem at all. In addition, my aunt Tracey already had two nieces and one nephew by the time she turned 19. But I attribute that to the fact that she's the youngest, and 8 and 9 years younger than her older sisters. I've already come to the conclusion that I will not have the privilege of being an aunt for a very long time, unless I end up marrying someone who's already an uncle.(don't worry, that won't be the basis of looking for a future husband. it would just be an added bonus just like it would be if the guy I marry already has an uncle Bob so I can have one too!)

I'm so sorry if this post sounds depressing, but I'm only sharing what my thoughts contained over the past couple weeks. It's not always easy being the oldest in my immediate family. Some days I feel the trail-blazer inside of me, and other days I want to hide from my trail-blazer responsibilities. It's okay though, I know that God is there for me as a leaning post.

I would like to close this post with a chorus to a song of mine. I may have posted this chorus before, but it's good enough to post again.


Blink your eyes
Time goes by
Here we are on the side
Figuring out what we want to
Do with our lives
Where do we go from here
Where will we be
In another ten years
Oh where will we be
Ten years from now?

I'm excited about my birthday, I really am. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year!

Thinking back to look ahead

Over the past month or so, I've been having lots of flashbacks to middle school. Why, you ask? Well, that's for me to know, and you to not find out yet. It's been very interesting though, thinking about the different people I hung out with compared to who my friends are now. I also thought of how monumental a drawing of a "scary caribou" can be. Now that I think of it, I wonder if I still have some of those drawings...once again, don't ask. Thinking back to those times gives the future a new light. Ok, so the fact that I'm turning 19 tomorrow may have something to do with it. Turning another year older didn't seem like a big deal a few weeks ago, so why does it matter now? well, i'm not really sure. ask me again in a few weeks and maybe I'll be able to tell you.

Lots of thoughts tonight

Ever since this morning, I seem to have a mind saturated with diverse thoughts. I have more questions than answers, and those questions produce more questions. In some ways I suppose it's a matter of sorting out my life. At the same time I realize it's going to take more than one day to sort all this out. For some of it I need to wait on God. Waiting can be extremely difficult at times.

Part of the reasons for feeling this way could be stress from school. By noon tomorrow I will have completed two tests in a row. This isn't exactly the most ideal way to start the week, but hopefully it'll only get better from there. I do know that I feel like homework is a never ending cycle, and as much as I try, I can't seem to get ahead.

Anyways, back to the mind full with thoughts thing. It's made today seem longer. I feel like I just fit three days into one. While there's a lot of unknowns in my thoughts right now, I do know that I can keep holding onto God. I know that He hears me, and will help me through these strange feelings I'm having. In the mean time I'll keep praying and find something to do while I'm waiting. Oh wait, I can do all that homework that's on my to-do list! (I love college, I promise!)

while i'm on the subject...

I would just like to say that I love the media! and not for the reasons that the rest of us love the media. I really love studying the media, and learning as much as possible about it.

And this is why i can't decide what i want my concentration for my major to be. I guess i have time to think and pray about it though.

just a thought

ok, i've really held back on saying the following comment, because i don't want it to come out of as a complaint. But the time has come to just say it. i feel like i've been 18 forever. it's not a bad thing. Actually, this past summer was the first where my age never really mattered, because everyone was in college, and all that did matter was that we were cleaning a bazillion bathrooms.

on another note, during the past few worship experiences, i have come up with parts to a song of mine. i actually wrote the chorus three years ago.(or something like that) this past sunday, i went to church with an awesome friend of mine. while i did actually get something out of that sermon, i had a verse to write down. thankfully the bulletin for that church has lots of white space for taking notes, so i did both. i took notes and wrote my song. although i always think i look really weird when i'm writing songs because i end up tapping out the rhythm, and sing to myself and stuff like that. oh well.

During Chapel today, i came up with the second verse. i still need to practice it all together to see how it sounds, but i think God really came through on that one. This is all such a blessing because i've been really struggling emotionally over the past few days. i still need a bridge to the song, but i'll wait on God's timing for that.

well, i need to head to class.