Thinking back to look ahead

Over the past month or so, I've been having lots of flashbacks to middle school. Why, you ask? Well, that's for me to know, and you to not find out yet. It's been very interesting though, thinking about the different people I hung out with compared to who my friends are now. I also thought of how monumental a drawing of a "scary caribou" can be. Now that I think of it, I wonder if I still have some of those drawings...once again, don't ask. Thinking back to those times gives the future a new light. Ok, so the fact that I'm turning 19 tomorrow may have something to do with it. Turning another year older didn't seem like a big deal a few weeks ago, so why does it matter now? well, i'm not really sure. ask me again in a few weeks and maybe I'll be able to tell you.

Lots of thoughts tonight

Ever since this morning, I seem to have a mind saturated with diverse thoughts. I have more questions than answers, and those questions produce more questions. In some ways I suppose it's a matter of sorting out my life. At the same time I realize it's going to take more than one day to sort all this out. For some of it I need to wait on God. Waiting can be extremely difficult at times.

Part of the reasons for feeling this way could be stress from school. By noon tomorrow I will have completed two tests in a row. This isn't exactly the most ideal way to start the week, but hopefully it'll only get better from there. I do know that I feel like homework is a never ending cycle, and as much as I try, I can't seem to get ahead.

Anyways, back to the mind full with thoughts thing. It's made today seem longer. I feel like I just fit three days into one. While there's a lot of unknowns in my thoughts right now, I do know that I can keep holding onto God. I know that He hears me, and will help me through these strange feelings I'm having. In the mean time I'll keep praying and find something to do while I'm waiting. Oh wait, I can do all that homework that's on my to-do list! (I love college, I promise!)

while i'm on the subject...

I would just like to say that I love the media! and not for the reasons that the rest of us love the media. I really love studying the media, and learning as much as possible about it.

And this is why i can't decide what i want my concentration for my major to be. I guess i have time to think and pray about it though.

just a thought

ok, i've really held back on saying the following comment, because i don't want it to come out of as a complaint. But the time has come to just say it. i feel like i've been 18 forever. it's not a bad thing. Actually, this past summer was the first where my age never really mattered, because everyone was in college, and all that did matter was that we were cleaning a bazillion bathrooms.

on another note, during the past few worship experiences, i have come up with parts to a song of mine. i actually wrote the chorus three years ago.(or something like that) this past sunday, i went to church with an awesome friend of mine. while i did actually get something out of that sermon, i had a verse to write down. thankfully the bulletin for that church has lots of white space for taking notes, so i did both. i took notes and wrote my song. although i always think i look really weird when i'm writing songs because i end up tapping out the rhythm, and sing to myself and stuff like that. oh well.

During Chapel today, i came up with the second verse. i still need to practice it all together to see how it sounds, but i think God really came through on that one. This is all such a blessing because i've been really struggling emotionally over the past few days. i still need a bridge to the song, but i'll wait on God's timing for that.

well, i need to head to class.

wow

where did all that time go? summer, working, enjoying sunsets and all that? actually, i think the sunsets are only going to get better as we move into the season of fall. last night's was pretty cool. oops, i 'm getting off track already.

ok, so classes start tomorrow. i'm kinda nervous about that, but i think it'll be okay. I still have some things to do in order to get ready. I'm waiting on a few books to arrive here by mail, and i have two or three books that i need to buy from the textbook express. Thankfully, since classes are starting on a tuesday, i only have two of them. one in the later morning, and another in the afternoon.

on really random note, it's amazing how Relient K songs don't really sounds old unless you really read into it, and it's amazing that so many people know so many of their songs. I love Relient K, and sometimes when i listen to some of their earlier stuff i'm reminded of Middle School. weird.

nervous energy

I am super nervous right now. While I know i shouldn't be nervous, under the circumstances, i think i'm allowed. In addition, I have about nine more minutes of nervousness until it all climaxes. I'm praying that God will calm my nerves, and just help me to stay sane. that's all, the end.

College

So, it's Welcome Week. i'm loosing track of what day it is because every day for the past week has felt like a saturday. so now that today actually is saturday, it just feels weird. I keep seeing more and more people from high school, and i think that's going to really help my transition. Obviously, living here during the summer helped both myself and my parents with the transition of me not living at home anymore.

We've been doing lots of activities, and attending lots of meetings. yesterday we went on a service project to various places in the area. I love service projects, and really enjoyed my experience.

the cafeteria on campus has been a lot crowded compared to during the summer. i guess it's not quite as bad as it was whenever the Jewish Conference was here. But for dinner yesterday and lunch today i went with a large group, and that almost makes it worse. but we found places to sit, and it provided a great time for fellowship between the people on my floor and in my peer group.

well, i have to get ready for a floor meeting that i think is in the lounge.(i should probably check on that) so far i really like college, and community.

and here i am again

Somehow, it doesn't feel like I took this test two years ago. It feels like two weeks. And yet, here I am again waiting to take a test that could change my life. sure, it could be like the last one where it did not amount to anything, but what if this one gets me through to the next step? what if this actually changes my life? Everyone says that they could see me being on Jeopardy. While I'm not always able to answer the questions ever single night I watch the show, I love when knowledge of school or random facts show up. Yesterday, for example, there was one clue where the contestants had to take the derivative to come up with the question! I'm not sure if anyone else my age became so excited with being able to actually apply Calculus to real life.

I almost decided not to take this first step in taking the online test. But then I remembered a quote I've read a million times passing through the school hallways. It goes along the lines of missing 100% of the shots you never take. That's about the time when i decided i had nothing to lose.

Through it all, I keep remembering a different version of 1 Peter 5:7. In the NIV text, it says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you." However, The Message: Remix starting at verse 6 states, "So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you."

I like how that's worded. He will promote you at the right time. So right now might not be what God had in mind in terms of promoting me. Or maybe, I am supposed to be promoted right about now. By the way, in this case, I use the term promoted not in the sense of getting a raise, but just being blessed in a public way. Either way, I have peace of mind knowing that I am capable of watching TV for educational purposes, in addition to taking what I learn on Jeopardy and applying it to school. Not that it happens often, but once in awhile something like that will come up.

That, my dear friends, is what my heart has to say. Well, it's part of it. The other part doesn't even pertain to the topic of discussion.

Dealing with Transitions

Yesterday I completed my last day of working for the summer. while i was really impatient all day for time to go faster so i could be done, i was really sad when it was over. since completing my time at the Pizza Buffet, i guess i always thought i'd be in a job situation for the long run.(even though i knew my full time work would come to a close at the end of the summer) but after leaving the second floor hub without my name tag holder, key, or any of my work shirts, tears found their way to my eyes. i guess i've been through so many changes lately, so it's just been hard going through yet another one. also, yesterday was just really fun, despite the fact that we had to clean nine bathrooms. one of my co-workers brought his CDs to listen to while we cleaned, and he had a lot of christian ska (Five Iron Frenzy and the O.C. Supertones) and just some great music from the late 90s/early 2000s. i had a blast listening to all that stuff while cleaning each toilet in the building.

so after leaving work in tears, i decided that i needed to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. and i came to the conclusion that i just don't handle transitions the best, especially when a bunch come in the span of three months or so. and i knew my full time work would come to a close. it just came really fast, that's all.

so, what's next, you ask? well, i have three days of preparation for welcome week. all that means is that i need to get this room cleaned up in three days. also somewhere in there i need to get my computer configured for the college's network, and find out whether i have all the school supplies i need. lastly, i'm going to rest. after thursday, i'm going to be pretty busy for the next two months or so (until fall break). am i scared? yes. But i know that the education i received from Mechanicsburg surely taught me something about college.(after all, isn't that what they attempted to do in Period Zero?) I also know that God never brings us through anything that He and I can't complete together. that alone has brought me through so much in my life.

moved again

so here i am, in fall housing. after two month of working for Campus Events, and living in Bittner with the rest of the summer workers, it has come time to move. and frankly, Bittner will always hold a special place in my heart. i now live in a building on the outskirts of campus, and on top of all that it's facing the wrong way, towards the sewage treatment center. (why did Upper Allen Twp have to pick Grantham for this stuff????)

my stuff isn't quite unpacked, i'm not sure if it will be by the time my three roommates get here for Welcome Week. i didn't sleep that well or that much last night, but i'm hoping to go to bed earlier tonight.

there are a few good things i'm finding out about this building, however. I am on the third floor, so i get great reception when listening to my favorite radio station. and, i've found that i can get WCRH, which comes out of Williamsport, near where my grandparents live in Maryland. i was amazed when i found i could get it crystal clear. i can't even get WDAC clear like that from Lancaster! so i guess i'll be able to listen to Adventures in Odyssey from WCRH if i happen to be around. the only downside is that these two radio stations (WJTL and WCRH) are right next to each other on the dial, so hopefully i'll be able to keep them separate.

another awesome thing about this place is that there's a TV in the lobby with a VCR connected to it. so i actually might do some of my TV watching down there, and bring some cassette tapes to watch at some point.(just because i can)

at least i can rest in the assurance of knowing that if i want to exercise all i need to do is run up and down all the stairs a few times.